This is a semi-embarrassing (but mostly awesome) picture of my now-former staff partner, Esther, and I at an Ugly Christmas Sweater party during Regional Staff Conference this past December. Next year, Esther will be taking over the staff position of Asian Christian Fellowship, an InterVarsity chapter at Washington University in Saint Louis. I love this picture for several reasons. Above all the others though, I love it because it represents something really true about the two years that Esther and I spent working together at SLU. We are both more naturally introverts and aren't exactly inclined toward things that are beyond our realm of comfort and experience. I remember that it took me about ten minutes after putting on that sweater to actually come out of my room and display it to my co-workers and I love that you can still sort of see some of Esther's discomfort (possibly at standing next to me in my sweater) in her face. We each know our strengths well and tend toward those things that allow us to work from places of strength. However, that wasn't the story that God wanted to tell at SLU the past two years. The past two years have been filled with opportunities for Esther and I to take a step out of the boat on to the crashing waves in following Jesus as staff workers at SLU. We were trying to build something that had never been seen on our campus: a multi-ethnic community of student missionaries. Every word of that phrase is laden with risk and potential conflict and that is exactly what we found in the (still ongoing) construction process. Along the way, we learned how to talk to each other, how to challenge each other, and most importantly, how to forgive each other. Working with a staff partner was the hardest thing I've ever done in ministry but I can honestly say at the end that I wouldn't trade it for anything and that there is no one with whom I'd rather have gone through the past two years. As each of us step up to the helm of our respective chapters as solo staff for the first time, I want to share with you 4 things that I have learned about life and ministry from Esther Wong:
- The unwavering power of the to-do list. Google is incredible. When Esther and I got together for staff meetings, we would start by opening up a Google doc, which is essentially a Microsoft Word page saved online that you can edit together at the same time. I'm still amazed by this. Usually our meetings go something like this:
Kale (excitedly): Wouldn't it be awesome if we could ______(insert fifteen minutes of Jupiter-sized vision-casting, including impressive-sounding phrases like "pop-culture-SLU" and "missional bootcamp experience")?
Esther (calmly): Yes, that would be awesome. What do we actually need to do to get that done?
This is when a little to-do list magically appears at the bottom of our document and I'm brought back from the atmosphere into the real world of plan-making and step-taking. I remember discovering this gift of Esther's at our very first interaction with students as a team. Back in August 2008, we had our annual Pre-Fall Retreat with student leaders in Saint Louis and it was Esther's first introduction to our leadership team. We started talking about New Student Outreach and everyone was throwing out ideas. Suddenly, like an organizational lightning bolt, Esther whipped out her laptop and started making a list of things we'd need to buy/borrow/do in order to pull of the events that were being shouted at chaos-level speed from the crowd of visionary thinkers. Ah...the sweet feeling of balance in ministry. Thanks to Esther, all of my planning now has a to-do list at the bottom and ministry generally goes better because of it.
- Vulnerability is a virtue. There are several reasons why I'm thankful to have a Y chromosome: longer shorts, less time in the public restroom line, and not being able to give birth come to mind. I love that guys are expected to initiate in dating. I love the idea of being a dad someday. I aspire to be one of the older guys that meets at McDonald's everyday at 7am to talk about current affairs or their families or whatever it is that they talk about (I've always been curious). There are lots of benefits that were designed to come with being a guy. However, one unfortunate weakness added on to our sex as a perversion of the deeper good given to us (a certain degree of emotional resilience and stability) is the cultural expectation that guys never share things that hurt them. We never show a crack in the armor. When guys talk about weakness, they often use language that describes it as something that can be conquered. We usually use words like "struggles" or "hurdles." Nothing ever "hurts" us; we are always either "climbing our mountain" or "overcoming a challenge." Brokenness is not even part of our vocabulary. The strength of this is that we are usually good at helping each other overcome very particular sin issues. One weakness (of many) of this is that we have no language for dealing with brokenness for which we may not even be responsible. For example. all guys experience father-wound, the realization of the limitations of our own fathers and the sorrow over how those limitations have affected (and currently affect) our lives. Most guys never learn to talk about it until they get married or even until they have kids themselves. That sort of vulnerability is not only uncommon, it is almost impossible without direct intervention from someone outside.
One of the things I appreciate most about Esther is her willingness to share her life with other people. From our very first large group gathering this past year, Esther continually allowed God to speak truth out of her life and share that with students. When she experienced overwhelming conflict in her personal life, she allowed students to pray for her and opened her heart to Jesus in prayer with other people. She told powerful stories of Jesus' redemption in her life, even going into detail at times about the brokenness from which she'd been redeemed. As a guy who often falsely believes that leaders need to be stoic, put-together people, it was so refreshing to hear stories from a strong woman of faith who was willing to admit at all times that she didn't have everything together. As a result of that, our students have become a much stronger story-telling community, willing to share their own stories of rescue and hope in the midst of hurt and sin. In my own life, I've been told by my supervisor that I have become more vulnerable as the year has progressed. I've felt a greater freedom to share sin in my own life with my students so that we can experience freedom together, instead of believing that I need to carry freedom down from the mountain to them. This has been a true gift to my faith.
- Sometimes people just need a listening ear. Did I mention I like to talk a lot? It may be another weakness in my fellow Y-chromosomers and I that we generally feel more comfortable as problem-solvers than as active listeners. As a staff worker, I am often blessed with the opportunity to hear the tough stories that happen in the lives of college students. I've been able to pray with a lot of folks over the past couple years and I thank God everyday for giving me a job where I get to deal with broken people - people in need of Jesus just like I am. I must confess, however, that pastoral giftings like counseling and discernment are not natural strengths of mine. God has given me several gifts that are well-suited for the ministry to which He's called me, but I still find myself often wanting to problem-solve when a student or friend comes to me needing to express frustration or hurt or fear. As I've partnered with Esther in ministering to college students, I've noticed a couple of key things about counseling people in her interactions. First, people will usually let you know if they're in need of advice. When tension is high and emotions are raging, it is often the case that people just need to get what's in their heads out into the air so that the Holy Spirit can begin doing His healing work. As someone who is so prone to doling out advice at the drop of the hat, it's been good for me to learn to sit back a little longer and listen to see if that's what people are actually interested in. Second, people need to feel affirmed in who they are. I feel this so much in my own heart when I'm hurting. I need to be reminded that this trial or this sin doesn't name me to Jesus. It doesn't take over my whole identity. I need to be reminded that I'm still a Son of the Kingdom. I need to be reminded that I still have worth and purpose to God. Earlier this semester, a student came to Esther and I after dealing with a painful breakup and, after holding her as she cried, Esther looked at the girl and said, "Baby do you know that Jesus thinks you're beautiful?" I was blown away. So often, our great variety of hurts in this world boil down to some core questions we have about ourselves: Am I lovable? Am I beautiful? Am I respectable? As a guy staff leading a core team that is 75% female, learning to listen and serve my sisters well in conversation is crucial.
- Prayer is important. Seriously. This may seem obvious, especially from a missionary, but it's remarkably easy to say and much harder to say truthfully. I'm a problem-solver. I like to attack things head-on. I don't like waiting for anything. When an issue arises, my mind spider-webs into every imaginable scenario and method of fixing the problem. It's been a welcome switch to work with someone for whom the natural reaction to problems arising is prayer. Beyond a reaction to stress, however, Esther also modeled a generally more open-minded approach to prayer in my life. From celebrating together after someone shares a good story to guidance when a pending decision is brewing, I've seen Esther employ prayer in scenarios in which before hadn't occurred to me to pray. I find myself feeling the urge to pray in many different types of situations and to see prayer as pure communication with the Father instead of as a means to the end of intercession or thanksgiving or something more goal-oriented. We pray because we need to stay connected not because we need something done for us. Prayer re-orients us to the will of Jesus; it doesn't re-orient Jesus to my will. Again, this is easy to say but I've been blessed to see it actually lived out for the last two years.
I'll leave you with a few more pictures that are close to my heart. I'm so thankful for the rollercoaster ride that God brought Esther and I through over the past two years. It's been a blast and I'm excited to see what He does with her at Wash U next year. She will be missed but (fortunately) not
too far away.
This is a semi-embarrassing (but mostly awesome) picture of my now-former staff partner, Esther, and I at an Ugly Christmas Sweater party during Regional Staff Conference this past December. Next year, Esther will be taking over the staff position of Asian Christian Fellowship, an InterVarsity chapter at Washington University in Saint Louis. I love this picture for several reasons. Above all the others though, I love it because it represents something really true about the two years that Esther and I spent working together at SLU. We are both more naturally introverts and aren't exactly inclined toward things that are beyond our realm of comfort and experience. I remember that it took me about ten minutes after putting on that sweater to actually come out of my room and display it to my co-workers and I love that you can still sort of see some of Esther's discomfort (possibly at standing next to me in my sweater) in her face. We each know our strengths well and tend toward those things that allow us to work from places of strength. However, that wasn't the story that God wanted to tell at SLU the past two years. The past two years have been filled with opportunities for Esther and I to take a step out of the boat on to the crashing waves in following Jesus as staff workers at SLU. We were trying to build something that had never been seen on our campus: a multi-ethnic community of student missionaries. Every word of that phrase is laden with risk and potential conflict and that is exactly what we found in the (still ongoing) construction process. Along the way, we learned how to talk to each other, how to challenge each other, and most importantly, how to forgive each other. Working with a staff partner was the hardest thing I've ever done in ministry but I can honestly say at the end that I wouldn't trade it for anything and that there is no one with whom I'd rather have gone through the past two years. As each of us step up to the helm of our respective chapters as solo staff for the first time, I want to share with you 4 things that I have learned about life and ministry from Esther Wong:
