The Strive For Fifty-Five

As promised, I am utilizing this blog to not only keep you, the proverbial (and possibly actual) reader, up to speed on ministry needs and breakthroughs being experienced by my students and I, but also to keep you up to speed with my progress along the fundraising journey. This specific post is siginificant along the way because I have been given a marker at which to focus my prayers and efforts and so, I wanted to share that with you as well.

One of the key differences between my job last year as a ministry intern and the transition I'm making into a full-time staff position is that I will no longer (ideally) have a part-time job to supplement my living expenses. As Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 9, "Don't you know that those who work in the temple get their food from the temple, and those who serve at the altar share in what is offered on the altar? In the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel." However, in this transition time my part-time job is necessary until I reach the point in my budget that I can live and do ministry from the support that is coming in. Herein lies the issue with which I wrestle as I write this: my part-time job at a coffeeshop at SLU is both a great blessing, as I depend on it for supplemental income while I fundraise outside those hours; and a great curse as it takes up about 30 hours of the week that I could spend elsewhere gathering support and planning for the school year. I love and need the job, but it is a distraction from the work that God has actually called me to do.

I have recently been informed that the amount of a stipend I would need to live without a second job could be given if I reach 55% of my budget, including pledges and one-time gifts. I am currently at 37%. I am praying (and inviting you to pray!) that God, in His abundant provision, would meet me at 55% before school starts on August 24th. This would allow me to focus all of my attention and energy on finishing the fundraising process for the year so I can begin working on campus and spending my time introducing students to Jesus. Would you join me in this prayer? He has given my staff partner and I a wonderful vision for the IV chapter at SLU in 2009-2010 and I want to dive into it as soon as possible.

If you are interested in chatting about some creative ways that you can help me, please e-mail me at kaleuzzle@gmail.com and we can figure out a time to talk. As always, thanks for reading but thank you more for your prayers!

On Fund-Raising in the Upside-Down Kingdom

Since my time in June at Orientation for New Staff up in Wisconsin, I have spent most of my time in the process of fund-raising my budget for the year to come. Fund-raising, as I am learning, is a spiritual discipline not much different than prayer or evangelism. I can think of a thousand excuses everyday not to do them but I know that if I just looked at Jesus, I would remember how crucial they are to my survival and continued pursuit of him (and his of me!). What makes them so hard is that they call me out of myself and hold up this mirror in my face that shows me the crucial question: Who is God? Who do you say that he is? It's the same question that Moses asked God and that Jesus asked the disciples. When the chips fall and everything I prop up is blown to pieces, this is the question that haunts me - "Kale, who do you say that I am?" I am so tempted to run and hide and just assume that I am God or that security or money or understanding is God. This question seems so basic but it is at the core of every sin and the fruit of every doubt. When I get scared or intimidated or feel awkward, it's much easier to believe that I am God and therefore, I should just be able to calm the storms or free the captives.

But it is just at these points when I have dumped all the water out of the boat but we're still sinking; when I have pleaded my case to every Pharaoh around but find myself still a prisoner; when I have tried everything and nothing has come of it, these are the times when I remember who God is. When it becomes abundantly clear to me that I am not God. At their endpoints, clarity and humility seem to be sisters. But this should not strike me as strange, I suppose. Isn't this what Jesus is always telling the disciples in the Gospels? When they couldn't cast out a demon or when they fought about who was really the greatest disciple among them, was it not Jesus who put the child in front of them and reminded them that it was people like this who were really following him? Just like them, it seems that my instincts are to prove that I am the one in charge or that I know what is best for me. Naturally, just like in their experience, when everything falls apart, I hear Jesus saying to me, "Kale, who am I? Do you remember who I am?" Again, I have to stop and answer him, "Yes Lord, now I see it again."

This world is upside-down and it would have me believe myself independent and self-sufficient. But wow, how far the fall that comes with the realization of this lie. As John the Baptist taught us, we must decrease as he increases. Everyday we have to surrender who we are and what we want to who Jesus is and what he wants. Even in something as hard and slow as fundraising. Especially in something like fund-raising. Or prayer. Or evangelism. Or just following Jesus in general. This is what it means to be a Christian I am learning. If I can't answer the question, "Who is God?" than I know where I stand in my relationship to the true God. I need to have my vision turned around. I need to have my heart turned right-side-up again. This always hurts but it always comes when I need it most.

Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he slammed the door on his compassion?
And I said, “This is my fate;
the Most High has turned his hand against me.”
But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
Psalm 77:9-11