ONS - Day Eight

Today is the last full day of InterVarsity's Orientation for New Staff here in cloudy Madison, WI. It's been an exciting but very draining trip for me. I love talking about vision and hearing stories from other staff workers about their hearts for ministry and how they are seeing God work on their campuses. I love hearing about the desire of our president to see diverse witnessing communities built up around college campuses all over the world. I have enjoyed my time with my family group, the six or seven other new staff and our leader with whom we have been processing our experiences so far at ONS. I love Madison, especially the area around the University. There are more unique ethnic restaurants, indie coffee shops, and people on bicycles per capita in this area than anywhere I have ever been. But, to be honest, I am exhausted.

God has been revealing a lot to me in these past eight days about the condition of my heart and the condition of our fellowship at SLU. I am beginning to see my need for the approval of others and my desire to earn God's favor in their true and hideous form. I have come to grips with the fact that my chapter at SLU is predominantly white and very comfortable with that fact, despite the hundreds of minority American and international students on my campus. I have noticed my own tendencies toward comfort and familiarity, especially in the areas of evangelism and fund development. But, in the midst of that, I feel the dam breaking. God is not satisfied to leave me here. He loves me too much to let me stay where I am. He is slowly breaking down the years of hope deferred, prejudices applied, and meritocracy reinforced to make me into the man that He has called me to be. It is a painfully slow process, but as I looked in the eyes of my new friend Nathaniel yesterday, I saw his hope that maybe Jesus can really change our lives. It reminded me that this is all true - that we speak the Truth into the world - that He lives in our hearts and in our conversations. Jesus is alive and He is calling us to the life abundant. Sometimes it looks like crucifixion, but it always ends in Resurrection.

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
John 12:24