A Few Good Problems

I am a dreamer. By nature, I just tend to set big goals and have big expectations for myself and for those around me. I like thinking far into the future and imagining what God could do in my life and in our ministry at SLU weeks, months, even years from now. Sometimes this works against me. I sometimes spend so much time dreaming that I forget to plan how any of these dreams will actually become a reality. Sometimes I think I (or my leaders) can accomplish more within a certain time frame than is actually reasonable. I like to think big picture and sometimes I get a bit ahead of myself.

When I sat down to set some goals for this current school year last May, I tried to be realistic. At the time, we were averaging about 20 students at our weekly meeting, which we call the Edge. I wanted to set a goal for how many people would be attending by the end of the first semester of this year. I thought 30 sounded reasonable but still something we could dream about and work toward. 30 would move us beyond the capacity of our previous meeting space and be a 50% growth from the previous semester. Sounds great right? Yep, I thought so too.

At our first Edge, back in early September, we had about 40 people show up. I was thrilled but honestly, not too surprised. Last year, at the first Edge, we also had about 40 people show up. That number quickly dropped to 20, then 15-16 for the rest of the first semester before coming up to 20 again by May. My Core Team and I were excited but we didn't really know what to expect. The next week another 40+ people showed up, including a few new faces we hadn't seen before. We were even more tightly crammed in than the previous week as our room comfortably seats 35 but reaches capacity around 45. The next week we reached capacity. 45 people scrunched and squeezed into the room to hear about Jesus and the Rich Young Ruler. We started realizing that maybe this wasn't a fluke. Maybe we should start looking for a new room to meet in. Maybe we should figure out some smaller groups for these people to meet in to connect with each other and Jesus and to be trained in mission. We prayed about this, made a few calls, and waited to see what would happen the next week...

Last night, we fortunately managed to secure a one-time meeting in a large room in the Student Center. We got there early and set everything up, praying that God would use our bigger space to bring more people to hear about him. We set out some sign-up sheets for people to indicate interest in being part of a smaller community Bible study, including an evangelistic Bible study where they could come and just ask questions about Jesus, the Bible, Christianity, or anything else that was on their hearts. Last night, we reached 50 people for the first time. 50 SLU students sat in a room together studying Jesus' interaction with the woman caught in adultery from John 8. We talked about Jesus the Savior, the one who puts our sins on his shoulders and offers us new life. After the study wrapped, nearly everyone stood up to sign up for a Bible study community, including 10 people indicating interest in being a part of a GIG to investigate what they really believe about Jesus!

Let me remind you, I was planning for 30 people by December. Not 50 by October. This is what I love about my job: who knows what God is going to do? Who knows!? My Core Team and I have no idea what is going to happen from here, who is going to lead these Bible studies, or what tomorrow may bring our way. We've been hanging on by the seat of our pants all semester and we're here for the ride at this point. That being said, we have a few GREAT problems we'd love for you to pray about right now:

• This weekend is Fall Conference. SLU has 24 people registered which is the biggest group we've ever taken to a conference. However, we are still a few spaces short on cars and trying to coordinate with the other IV chapters in Saint Louis on how to get all of our students to the Conference. It seems like the other staff are also experiencing these good problems :) Please pray that we find transportation and that God does some incredible work in the lives of students this weekend (especially the 4-5 from SLU who don't yet know Jesus!)
• We found a new space to meet that has capacity for 100! I'm sure you can imagine right now where my mind is going :) But, it's very new, in a different location than our folks are used to, and has its own challenges in terms of the need to rearrange furniture, set up the audio/visual equipment every week, and generally just to get used to being in a new space. Would you pray that we overcome the technical difficulties of getting adjusted to meeting somewhere new as quickly as possible and that God continues to bring more and more people to hear about him now that we have space to be a bit more hospitable?
• We have 40 people or so signed up as interested in being part of a smaller Bible study community. Would you pray for wisdom for my Core Team and I as we figure out who will be leading these communities and for the Spirit to move as we hope to build tighter relationships with these 40+ people around Scripture and taking the love of Jesus to our campus?
• As a side note, I'm giving one of the main talks at Fall Conference this weekend. Please pray for me as I finish preparing this week. Pray that the Spirit will guide my preparation and the direction of the talk. Pray that many people will come to faith because of the seeds being planted this weekend and through the relationships being formed in our IV communities.

As always, thanks for your prayers. Hopefully, my next post will be about all of the incredible things God did at Fall Conference!

The Average Week

Hello faithful blog reader. It's a sunny and beautiful day here in midtown Saint Louis and I pray that the day finds you well and reminded of the gracious love of our God. On this blog, I generally like to go into detail about major happenings in the SLU InterVarsity chapter and in my life in general as I serve as the staff of said chapter. I realize that though not everyone will enjoy the minutia of life as an InterVarsity staff, there are some unique aspects to the missionary life that may at least be interesting enough to hold your attention for a few moments as you sweep through your e-mail inbox. I know this because every once in a while, someone will look at me very curiously when I attempt to answer the question, "So what do you do for a living?" My answer usually elicits two responses:

1. Wow. You fund-raise for a living? What is that like?
2. So what do you actually do during the week? I mean, what does the average week look like for you?

Now, that first question is actually not difficult to answer. The answer is this: I used to hate fund-raising. It's really hard. Really hard. But now I love it. I love it because I love stories. I love telling my story, the stories of my students, the stories of how good God has been to us. I love hearing stories too. I love hearing people say, "Wow, I wish we would have had something like that when I was in college. Here's how I came to know Jesus..." I love praying with and for people and knowing that they pray for me. Honestly, I don't think this job would be as interesting to me if there was just a salary check that came in for me every month from some nebulous fund set up in some office somewhere. The fact that every dollar my students and I spend has a face and a name and jobs and history and struggle attached to it changes everything about how we spend it and how grateful we are that you love us enough to invest in us.

The second question, however, can be challenging. It's been posed to me several times in the past month and every time someone asks, I find myself pausing and asking it back to myself ("Wow, what do I do every week?"). Now part of my hesitation is that every week is a little bit different; the same elements may be present in each week but they are rarely arranged in the same order from week to week. I have to confess, however, that part of my hesitation also comes from some fear and brokenness in me that makes me think if I don't impress the questioner with my answer, they won't think I am a worthwhile investment. There's a part of me that genuinely believes that people won't love me if I don't seem like I will offer a good return on their love. The Fall has shaded my eyes and my heart to see love as a currency that is offered to me only when I deserve it. I pray against this but still it pops up from time to time.

So, in part as an act of transparency and in part as an effort to seek some sort of freedom from that fear, I want to give you an example of what the average week looks like for me as the InterVarsity staff worker at SLU. A few notes before I start:

1. Four days per week I don't work before noon. Those days are Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. There are two reasons for this: (1) I am prone to workaholic tendencies. Given the option, I would rather work all day every day until I just pass out from exhaustion. Wisdom has been given to me to see that this is not very wise. Starting at noon guarantees that I don't develop those unattractive gray circles under my eyes. (2) I am young and single. This eliminates the need to be home at a certain hour every night and gives me the freedom to operate on a college student's schedule, which usually means later evenings as opposed to earlier mornings. It also gives me time to spend with Jesus and at the gym those four days.
2. I have one general overriding rule for myself as far as time and work goes. That rule is this: Work 50-60 hours in six days. InterVarsity highly encourages staff to take a Sabbath day every week in which NO work is done for 24 hours. You may have a number of reactions to that rule but trust me when I tell you that it has become my sanity. It does two things for me: (1) It forces me to work efficiently and plan ahead so that everything gets done in six days and (2) it forces me to take time to rest and spend a longer block of time with Jesus that day than I normally would on an average morning. I highly recommend it.

With that in mind, here is my average work week:

Monday - The Edge Day
12pm - Lead prayer with students
1pm - Lunch with students and anyone we meet along the way
2-6pm - Finish any last minute logistics, printing, etc. before The Edge
6pm - Arrive with Core Team to the Edge site and prepare together
7-9pm - The Edge (our weekly large group gathering)
9-10pm - Debrief with Core Team

Tuesday - Fundraising Day
12pm - Pray with students
1pm - Lunch with students and anyone we meet along the way
2-6pm - Fund-raising Administrative Work (letters, this blog, budget stuff)
7-9pm - Phone Calls (calling to invite folks to support InterVarsity at SLU)

Wednesday - My Early Morning :)
6:30am - Meet with my Core Men to Pray
7-8am - Man Breakfast (social event to meet and pray with the men of InterVarsity)
8-9am - Spend time with Jesus
9am-12pm - Work on any planning or prep work for the week's events
12pm - Pray with students
1pm - Lunch with students and anyone we meet along the way
2-6pm - Mission Window (left intentionally open to hang out with Jesus on campus and see what happens)
6:30-8:30pm - Church Small Group
9pm - Lead a Bible study for Fraternity / Sorority students

Thursday - Spying Out the Land
12pm - Pray with students
1pm - Lunch with students and anyone we meet along the way
2-6pm - Mission Window / Staff Meetings (1-2x per month)
6-9pm - Take students to attend other events/groups on campus to meet people and build relationships with the greater SLU community

Friday - SABBATH :)
I usually spend this day at the park, the Basilica, or some other equally quiet and beautiful place just hanging out with Jesus in Scripture and prayer. No plans, no schedules, no cell phone, no laptop. It is glorious.

Saturday - Service and Social Day
Depending on the Saturday, we are either working with a local church to serve the refugee population near SLU, cooking breakfast for freshmen, exploring the different neighborhoods in the city, or hanging out on campus in somebody's apartment. Saturday events are usually great ways to meet and hang out with people on the fringes of the IV community. My Core Team also meets two Saturday mornings each month to be in intentional community together around the Scriptures and to be trained in mission and leadership.

Sunday - Church Day!
8:30am - Take students to church with me
9-11am - Church
1-5pm - Prepare Scripture study for the Edge; Work on any planning or prep work for the week's events
5-7pm - Meetings with students in preparation for the Edge
7-8pm - Put together schedule to prepare for the week

That pretty much wraps it up. If you have any other curiosities about staff life or about how things are going this year, feel free to comment on this post and maybe that will be the next thing I write about! Exciting :)

On Life and Ministry: 4 Things I Learned From Esther Wong

This is a semi-embarrassing (but mostly awesome) picture of my now-former staff partner, Esther, and I at an Ugly Christmas Sweater party during Regional Staff Conference this past December. Next year, Esther will be taking over the staff position of Asian Christian Fellowship, an InterVarsity chapter at Washington University in Saint Louis. I love this picture for several reasons. Above all the others though, I love it because it represents something really true about the two years that Esther and I spent working together at SLU. We are both more naturally introverts and aren't exactly inclined toward things that are beyond our realm of comfort and experience. I remember that it took me about ten minutes after putting on that sweater to actually come out of my room and display it to my co-workers and I love that you can still sort of see some of Esther's discomfort (possibly at standing next to me in my sweater) in her face. We each know our strengths well and tend toward those things that allow us to work from places of strength. However, that wasn't the story that God wanted to tell at SLU the past two years. The past two years have been filled with opportunities for Esther and I to take a step out of the boat on to the crashing waves in following Jesus as staff workers at SLU. We were trying to build something that had never been seen on our campus: a multi-ethnic community of student missionaries. Every word of that phrase is laden with risk and potential conflict and that is exactly what we found in the (still ongoing) construction process. Along the way, we learned how to talk to each other, how to challenge each other, and most importantly, how to forgive each other. Working with a staff partner was the hardest thing I've ever done in ministry but I can honestly say at the end that I wouldn't trade it for anything and that there is no one with whom I'd rather have gone through the past two years. As each of us step up to the helm of our respective chapters as solo staff for the first time, I want to share with you 4 things that I have learned about life and ministry from Esther Wong:

1. The unwavering power of the to-do list. Google is incredible. When Esther and I got together for staff meetings, we would start by opening up a Google doc, which is essentially a Microsoft Word page saved online that you can edit together at the same time. I'm still amazed by this. Usually our meetings go something like this:
   
   Kale (excitedly): Wouldn't it be awesome if we could ______(insert fifteen minutes of Jupiter-sized vision-casting, including impressive-sounding phrases like "pop-culture-SLU" and "missional bootcamp experience")?
   Esther (calmly): Yes, that would be awesome. What do we actually need to do to get that done?
   
   This is when a little to-do list magically appears at the bottom of our document and I'm brought back from the atmosphere into the real world of plan-making and step-taking. I remember discovering this gift of Esther's at our very first interaction with students as a team. Back in August 2008, we had our annual Pre-Fall Retreat with student leaders in Saint Louis and it was Esther's first introduction to our leadership team. We started talking about New Student Outreach and everyone was throwing out ideas. Suddenly, like an organizational lightning bolt, Esther whipped out her laptop and started making a list of things we'd need to buy/borrow/do in order to pull of the events that were being shouted at chaos-level speed from the crowd of visionary thinkers. Ah...the sweet feeling of balance in ministry. Thanks to Esther, all of my planning now has a to-do list at the bottom and ministry generally goes better because of it.
   
   
2. Vulnerability is a virtue. There are several reasons why I'm thankful to have a Y chromosome: longer shorts, less time in the public restroom line, and not being able to give birth come to mind. I love that guys are expected to initiate in dating. I love the idea of being a dad someday. I aspire to be one of the older guys that meets at McDonald's everyday at 7am to talk about current affairs or their families or whatever it is that they talk about (I've always been curious). There are lots of benefits that were designed to come with being a guy. However, one unfortunate weakness added on to our sex as a perversion of the deeper good given to us (a certain degree of emotional resilience and stability) is the cultural expectation that guys never share things that hurt them. We never show a crack in the armor. When guys talk about weakness, they often use language that describes it as something that can be conquered. We usually use words like "struggles" or "hurdles." Nothing ever "hurts" us; we are always either "climbing our mountain" or "overcoming a challenge." Brokenness is not even part of our vocabulary. The strength of this is that we are usually good at helping each other overcome very particular sin issues. One weakness (of many) of this is that we have no language for dealing with brokenness for which we may not even be responsible. For example. all guys experience father-wound, the realization of the limitations of our own fathers and the sorrow over how those limitations have affected (and currently affect) our lives. Most guys never learn to talk about it until they get married or even until they have kids themselves. That sort of vulnerability is not only uncommon, it is almost impossible without direct intervention from someone outside.
   One of the things I appreciate most about Esther is her willingness to share her life with other people. From our very first large group gathering this past year, Esther continually allowed God to speak truth out of her life and share that with students. When she experienced overwhelming conflict in her personal life, she allowed students to pray for her and opened her heart to Jesus in prayer with other people. She told powerful stories of Jesus' redemption in her life, even going into detail at times about the brokenness from which she'd been redeemed. As a guy who often falsely believes that leaders need to be stoic, put-together people, it was so refreshing to hear stories from a strong woman of faith who was willing to admit at all times that she didn't have everything together. As a result of that, our students have become a much stronger story-telling community, willing to share their own stories of rescue and hope in the midst of hurt and sin. In my own life, I've been told by my supervisor that I have become more vulnerable as the year has progressed. I've felt a greater freedom to share sin in my own life with my students so that we can experience freedom together, instead of believing that I need to carry freedom down from the mountain to them. This has been a true gift to my faith.
   
   
3. Sometimes people just need a listening ear. Did I mention I like to talk a lot? It may be another weakness in my fellow Y-chromosomers and I that we generally feel more comfortable as problem-solvers than as active listeners. As a staff worker, I am often blessed with the opportunity to hear the tough stories that happen in the lives of college students. I've been able to pray with a lot of folks over the past couple years and I thank God everyday for giving me a job where I get to deal with broken people - people in need of Jesus just like I am. I must confess, however, that pastoral giftings like counseling and discernment are not natural strengths of mine. God has given me several gifts that are well-suited for the ministry to which He's called me, but I still find myself often wanting to problem-solve when a student or friend comes to me needing to express frustration or hurt or fear. As I've partnered with Esther in ministering to college students, I've noticed a couple of key things about counseling people in her interactions. First, people will usually let you know if they're in need of advice. When tension is high and emotions are raging, it is often the case that people just need to get what's in their heads out into the air so that the Holy Spirit can begin doing His healing work. As someone who is so prone to doling out advice at the drop of the hat, it's been good for me to learn to sit back a little longer and listen to see if that's what people are actually interested in. Second, people need to feel affirmed in who they are. I feel this so much in my own heart when I'm hurting. I need to be reminded that this trial or this sin doesn't name me to Jesus. It doesn't take over my whole identity. I need to be reminded that I'm still a Son of the Kingdom. I need to be reminded that I still have worth and purpose to God. Earlier this semester, a student came to Esther and I after dealing with a painful breakup and, after holding her as she cried, Esther looked at the girl and said, "Baby do you know that Jesus thinks you're beautiful?" I was blown away. So often, our great variety of hurts in this world boil down to some core questions we have about ourselves: Am I lovable? Am I beautiful? Am I respectable? As a guy staff leading a core team that is 75% female, learning to listen and serve my sisters well in conversation is crucial.
   
   
4. Prayer is important. Seriously. This may seem obvious, especially from a missionary, but it's remarkably easy to say and much harder to say truthfully. I'm a problem-solver. I like to attack things head-on. I don't like waiting for anything. When an issue arises, my mind spider-webs into every imaginable scenario and method of fixing the problem. It's been a welcome switch to work with someone for whom the natural reaction to problems arising is prayer. Beyond a reaction to stress, however, Esther also modeled a generally more open-minded approach to prayer in my life. From celebrating together after someone shares a good story to guidance when a pending decision is brewing, I've seen Esther employ prayer in scenarios in which before hadn't occurred to me to pray. I find myself feeling the urge to pray in many different types of situations and to see prayer as pure communication with the Father instead of as a means to the end of intercession or thanksgiving or something more goal-oriented. We pray because we need to stay connected not because we need something done for us. Prayer re-orients us to the will of Jesus; it doesn't re-orient Jesus to my will. Again, this is easy to say but I've been blessed to see it actually lived out for the last two years.

I'll leave you with a few more pictures that are close to my heart. I'm so thankful for the rollercoaster ride that God brought Esther and I through over the past two years. It's been a blast and I'm excited to see what He does with her at Wash U next year. She will be missed but (fortunately) not too far away.

Catalyst 2010: A Recap

The school year is officially over. All of the students (minus the summer school-ers) have packed up and left Saint Louis for the summer. Some are studying abroad; some are returning home. Most are working; some are taking classes. A few are taking mission trips this summer, including one to East Asia with an InterVarsity Global Project. It's been a long, emotional rollercoaster on campus at SLU this semester and, though the sorrows have been mixed with joys, there was an obvious release that came with finishing their last finals for the school year. However, before InterVarsity students stepped into their summer plans, we had one last experience together as a community: Catalyst 2010.

Catalyst is InterVarsity's annual Spring Camp where students from all across the Central Region (my region, which includes Missouri, Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas) gather to learn from God's word and be inspired as a community. It's a week of fellowship, worship, leadership development, missionary training, storytelling (my favorite!), outdoor fun, delcious camp-food-eating, meeting new people, and deepening relationships with familiar folks. You can probably tell from that ridiculous list that Catalyst is one of my favorite InterVarsity events on the calendar each year. It's one of the experiences that remind me why I do this job in the first place: 130+ college students (170+ counting both weeks of Catalyst) gathered under one roof at a beautiful lakeside camp asking the question "What does Jesus want me to be and do to love my campus well?" This year, nine SLU students attended Catalyst, ranging from rising juniors who have been around IV since day one to a few folks whom we've only met in the past couple months.

A day at Catalyst is basically broken up into three parts: Community Scripture Time, Track Time, and Evening Sessions. This week's Community Scripture text was the second chapter of Acts, including the coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, Peter's sermon to the crowd, and the description of the communal lifestyle of the first-century church. After spending the morning studying the Scriptures with their fellow Catalyst-ians, they would head to their Tracks. Every student at Catalyst chooses into a Track, or a specific training program that they walk through during the week with everyone else who signed up for that track. There were six different tracks in all, ranging from rediscovering who Jesus is in the book of Mark (mostly aimed at people invesstigating Christianity for the first time) to tracks based on learning missionary leadership strategies on campus. I helped lead the Rediscovering Jesus track, which was a seven-session intensive Scripture study investigating the first four chapters of the book of Mark. We had about 15 people in my track, several of whom were international students investigating Jesus for the first time. I'll give you a couple more highlights from the week but one incredible thing that Jesus did this week at Catalyst was that one of the international students from our Track actually became a Christian at Catalyst! His journey was incredible and as he shared his story with us the next morning, he mentioned feeling like he had "peace" and a "true family" for the first time. His joy was palpable in the room and it was such a wonderful ending to our week of digging deeply into the life of Jesus to see one of the students actually meet him for the first time. Praise God!

Another highlight from our week at Catalyst was the extended worship night that took place on Tuesday. As a staff at Catalyst, we spend most of our time running around making sure things happen as planned and teaching during the track times. Due to the hectic schedule of the week, I hadn't gotten the chance to sit down and be truly present with my students. This night was a great gift to me because I didn't have any extra responsibilities. I got to worship with my students and pray with them and just be their staff worker. It was wonderful - many tears both happy and painful. You could see the rollercoaster that I mentioned earlier being physically breathed out as they cried and as they lifted their hands in praise. It was like we'd been running a distance race together and Tuesday night was the tape breaking at the finish line. We talk a lot about being a family but I am especially thankful for the times when that sentiment can be felt in our interactions together. Personally, I also felt blessed by some truth that Jesus was speaking into my own heart about my idolatry of other people's perceptions of me and my reputation. Pray for me as Jesus continues to work this out of my heart.

One final highlight from the week was our last night at camp. Every year, our region takes a night at Catalyst to celebrate people who have made a decision to follow Jesus over the course of the year. These students get to go up on stage and a few of them get to tell the story of their journey in meeting Jesus and how their lives were transformed as a result. Then, they walk off stage and etch their names on to a large wooden cross that has been around for a few years of this tradition and is now quickly running out of space for more names (praise God!). As you can tell from reading this blog, I'm a story-lover at heart. This tradition is one of my favorite things that we do at Catalyst because seeing students have their lives completely transformed by Jesus is why I wanted to be a campus missionary in the first place. Though everyone's stories were powerful, I have to play favorites just a bit. The student that I mentioned earlier from the Mark track was the last to share his story. His journey from "aimlessness" and "loneliness" to the "peace" and "family" that he met in the community of Christ-followers brought tears to my eyes. Though I know in my head that Jesus can do radical things in people's lives, it's so good to be reminded with a flesh-and-blood person standing in front of you, telling you their story. Afterwards, I got to debrief the night with my students and we all shared a common desire to have plenty of folks with us next year to etch their names on to the cross! I can't wait to see how Jesus meets us in that hope.

Overall, Catalyst was a great experience for our SLU group. We built a lot of cohesion as a community. I got to experience my first time of leading the group as the lone staff worker at SLU (more on that to come in my next post). Our new folks felt more called to mission and will hopefully consider stepping on to our core leadership team in the next week or so. We spent a lot of time talking about what kind of group we wanted to be next year on campus at SLU and I can tell you even now that you're going to want to stay tuned. These kids feel empowered and they are totally capable of following Jesus in making radical change happen on our campus. Pray for us this summer in our various pursuits - pray that we stay bonded as a community through the blessing of technology and prayer; pray that Jesus continues to do a mighty work in each of us, preparing us for the work ahead; and pray that he breaks our hearts even further for those around us who don't know him, even giving us opportunities over the summer to practice living like a missionary. And again, stay tuned - you won't want to miss this.

P.S. Another fun moment from Catalyst: My students performed a choreographed dance to the Black Eyed Peas song "Imma Be" which was pretty incredible and very fun to watch :)

The Heart of Racism: A Recap

A little over a week ago now, InterVarsity hosted an event on campus at SLU called "The Heart of Racism." If you've been keeping up with recent posts on this blog, you'll know that the issue of racism has been a pervasive and brooding presence on our campus over the past several months. My students and I have been talking as a community on Monday nights about the best ways to respond to this issue as followers of Jesus. We started with some Proxe Stations back in March that functioned as interactive surveys where SLU students could come and voice their opinions about issues of injustice in the world and on campus, their contributions to the problems, and even possible solutions to injustice. We were able to share the truth about Jesus coming to bring reconciliation between both humans and God and between people groups as well. We saw that students on SLU's campus are very aware of the deep hurts in the world - from sex trafficking in East Asia to violence in the West Bank to racism on their own campus, SLU students are well-informed. However, what they fail to realize is that the brokenness of the world starts with the brokenness in each individual human heart - that broken systems are made up of broken people. They don't see that all of the money and education and awareness in the world won't fix the problem. A broken solution cannot mend a broken system. As followers of Jesus, the only one able to mend broken systems, we knew we needed to find a place to give voice to the inadequacies of human solutions and to the full reconciling power of the Gospel.

On April 12th, InterVarsity partnered with SLU's Black Student Alliance to put on an event called "The Heart of Racism." We invited Elizabeth English, the Missouri Area Director of InterVarsity, to come and give a powerful talk centering on the idea of racism as an individual sin issue that infiltrates society. A few of us had heard her presentation back at our Spring Break project in March and knew it would be a welcome and much-needed alternative perspective to the dizzying array of panel discussions and heated debates that had engulfed the campus all semester. Over fifty SLU students (our largest IV event ever on campus) sat down together from a variety of backgrounds, both ethnic and religious. We began the night with small group discussions about our own experiences of race as taught by our families growing up and how these experiences have framed our perspectives and choices on campus. My table of 6 was made up of two Black students, two Latina students, one White student and myself. Though we were originally unsure of how forthcoming students would be in these discussions, I found this time to be incredibly life-giving and helpful. As a white male, it's been an incredible learning experience for me to realize that I don't have a universal perspective on the world - that there are fears and questions and hurts that go deeper and come from places that I simply cannot understand. I am learning to listen closer and ask better questions. Around the room, I could hear these sorts of healing, eye-opening conversations happening all around me. These conversations were truly a gift from God.

From there, we transitioned into Elizabeth's talk. It was fascinating to watch students from different backgrounds responding to the presentation as she called out the fears of both majority and minority cultures in approaching a conversation on race. In the middle of the talk, she allowed students to post their own contributions to racial injustice and brokenness on campus on a large poster along the wall. I want to share a few excerpts from students who attended in response to the question "How do you contribute to racism on campus?":

• "I decide that other minorities don't understand because they get treated a little better."
• "I find it REALLY HARD to let go of the racism I've been taught. I want to with all my heart."
• "I am afraid to tell my parents that their views on race DON'T SHOW LOVE."
• "I'm scared to initiate conversations with people who look different from me."
• "I refuse to talk in class because I don't want to be seen or known as the STUPID BLACK GIRL."

You can see that there was a powerful mix of emotions in the air as Elizabeth continued her talk. She led us through the story of the Good Samaritan and showed us that Jesus has a different definition than we do about what it means to truly "love our neighbor." She challenged us to acknowledge the sin of racism in our hearts and follow Jesus in his ministry of reconciliation. We ended the evening by giving students the chance to respond with feedback and take a next step in the conversation Sixteen students decided that they wanted to further explore their own ethnic identities and contribution to multi-ethnic community. Eleven students indicated that they wanted to explore Jesus and his solutions to brokenness further. In their written feedback, here were some thoughts from students on the event overall:

• "Wonderful! Excellent speaker who really made me think deeply about my decisions and actions on campus."
• "It really opened my eyes to the sinfulness of racism."
• "A great start to a big solution."
• "This was well-needed for this campus."

As we begin following up with these students and figuring out how to continue this conversation next semester, we're excited to see the doors that Jesus is opening on campus for partnership with ethnic-specific student organizations and future conversations about the healing power of the Gospel to bring true racial reconciliation. This conversation has been very new and unsettling for me at times, but after a semester of following Jesus into this dangerous territory, I can tell you for certain that there is something good here. He is doing something new and powerful on this campus and he has called us to follow him into it. Please keep praying for us as we seek to do just that.

March Proxe Stations: A Recap

As I sit looking out on downtown Marion, IL on this warm and breezy Good Friday, I feel like I am pausing to catch my breath halfway through a distance run. This weekend comes as a gift after the crazy, risky schedule of March and leading up to the inevitable whirlwind of an April laden with campus events, investigative Bible studies, traveling, visioning for next year, and prayerfully ending this one well. A weekend to pause and reflect, not only on the year that has been and the month to come, but on the reason why we continue to labor in Hope and Anticipation, is a tiny reminder of the Gift that stood before the executioners he came to save so long ago.

Upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

As promised, I wanted to give you an update as to how last week's Proxe Stations went on campus. Overall, I would tell you that we were extremely satisfied with the week. We were given a prominent and public space on campus even during a campus-wide, event-heavy social justice emphasis week. A few administrators and faculty members went through the station with words of encouragement and gratitude that we were engaging the campus in this fashion. Several young leaders in InterVarsity received significant experience in sharing their faith, many for the first time. My staff partner and I walked away with an invaluable deepening of our understanding of students on campus - from their unflinching hope in education and awareness to fix the world to their difficulty in naming their own personal contributions to injustice. Our chapter was united and emboldened by the opportunity and many of them are hopeful that we will do another similar station next semester. For those of you who like numbers (as I do), here's a breakdown:

• 16 - the number of SLU IV students who gained significant experience sharing their faith (around 70% of the chapter)
  
• 163 - the number of students who went through the Proxe Station in 4 days (15 total hours)
• 67 - the number of students who indicated that they would like to further investigate Jesus with folks from InterVarsity
• $716 - the amount of money raised at our adjacent table which sold jewelry handmade by former sex slaves in Nepal, all of which will go into their hands to provide a dignified income for themselves and their familes (check out the incredible Christian Foundation for Education for more details)

I want to end this update by thanking you so much for your prayers, encouraging e-mails and text messages, and other support that you poured out on us last week. My staff partner and I were pretty drained by Wednesday morning and I have to believe that it was your prayers that carried us through Friday. I am beginning to understand more and more why Jesus prayed that we would be one, even as he and the Father are one. I can't imagine doing this without you. In the spirit of our unity, the healing work that God is doing on campus at SLU, and especially in light of this holy weekend, I leave you with a passage from John Stott's Basic Christianity that I have been meditating on today. Peace to you dear friend.

Paul described his work as a "ministry of reconciliation" and his gospel as a "message of reconciliation." He also made it quite clear where this reconciliation comes from. God is its author, he says, and Christ is the one through whom he brings it about. "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ." Again, "God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ." Everything that was achieved through the death of Jesus on the cross had its origin in the mind and heart of the eternal God. No explanation of Christ's death or humanity's salvation that downplays this fact does justice to the teaching of the Bible. "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Again, "God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether thingss on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."
But what does this "reconciliation" mean? The answer is that it indicates either an action by which two parties in conflict are brought together or the state in which their oneness is enjoyed and expressed...Sin caused a separation between us and God; the cross, the crucifixion of Christ, has brought us back together. Sin made us enemies; the cross brought peace. Sin created a gulf between us and God; the cross has bridged it. Sin broke the relationship; the cross has restored it.

Heavier Things

I shared some great news with you in my recent newsletter about a student committing to following Jesus at SLU this semester. My staff partner and I have been praying for months that we would see people become true followers of Christ on our campus and we are truly excited to see how God is beginning to answer those prayers. However, at the same time, we are also being made more and more aware of the depth of the brokenness that exists on our campus and in our own hearts. The truth is that though we have had reason to celebrate this semester, we have also been overwhelmed at times with reasons to cry, to shake our fists, to feel helpless, and to ask God some big questions.

Back in January, I arrived on campus and was shocked to hear about one of the most explosive and heartbreaking acts of discrimination I have ever heard about in my nearly 5 years on campus that had occurred the night before. Without going into too many details, a couple of guys spent an evening getting drunk and then returned back to an apartment complex on campus. When they arrived, they pounded on the door of two African-American girls and began shouting racist insults and threatening them. The two guys were white students who lived in the complex. The next morning, the campus was electric with the news of this horrible incident. Over the next few weeks, it would prove to be the spark that started the fire of reports coming in of similar incidents that had been occurring all over campus, from the classroom to the dorm room, since the beginning of the school year. To make matters worse, SLU's administration appeared to have little experience dealing with racism and its feeble attempts at damage control ranged from ineffective to causing further damage. Some students were outraged. Others were defensive. The administration was confused. No one knew what to do.

This hit our InterVarsity chapter particularly deeply as several of our students were (and are) intimately involved and affected by the discrimination that seemed to be sweeping the campus. We are a pretty diverse group, especially compared to the average SLU student organization. Of our 25 or so students, about 15 are from different minority cultures. In the midst of our tears and questions and frustrations, we felt like we couldn't just sit by as people transformed by the Gospel and continue to keep our mouths shut at the injustice going on around us. We knew that Jesus had something to say about this but we had no idea what the first step was in following him into the brokenness. So, we gathered together at our core group meeting one night and, after hearing Peter's sermon to the 3,000 people gathered at Pentecost in Acts 2, we made a list of evidences of our "corrupt generation" (Acts 2:40) that we could see on campus. From loneliness to academic idolatry to discrimination, our list got pretty lengthy. We observed the hurt, the sin, the shame, the guilt of our fellow SLU students and asked Jesus to show us what to do next.

That was two weeks ago. This past week was SLU's Spring Break. Esther and I loaded up seven SLU students and headed just a couple miles northwest of campus to join with several schools from around the country for City Lights 2010, an urban mission trip put on by InterVarsity in our very own city of Saint Louis. City Lights essentially seeks to connect followers of Jesus to their Master's love for the poor and neglected living in their own neighborhoods and city. Our students spent a week tutoring and building boxcars for inner city kids, moving furniture for newly-arrived refugees from all over Africa and Southeast Asia, and rehabbing a house for a man who had lived for the last two years without running water and electricity - all in the city where they attend classes everyday.

Beyond the daily work projects, City Lights also focuses on issues of reconciliation and justice. These reflections and conversations were incredibly healing and eye-opening for our seven students who were able to attend. One particularly insightful and honest talk on racism given by the Missouri Area Director of IV led to a long night of confession and forgiveness for everyone from SLU, including my staff partner and I. We felt as if Jesus was showing us a crack of light in the dark cloud that we saw lingering over our campus. Though we came from different backgrounds and were warring against the racism in our own hearts, we could feel the Holy Spirit drawing us together and bringing healing to our midst. We knew we had to take what we found back to campus with us, but how?


Robert, one of our student leaders, gave us our answer. He suggested that we set up an interactive display table on campus through which students could come by and have a productive conversation about brokenness on campus and possible solutions to the problems. This would be a great chance to share the Gospel and its power to bring healing to the hurt that starts in our hearts and spreads like cancer to our relationships. We call these tables Proxe Stations and Robert (as well as myself) first experienced them at a Spring Break project last year. The vote was unanimous - this would be how we would take the Good News back to SLU. In God's good provision, it just so happened that the same week we were looking at (next week) is also SLU's campus-wide Social Justice week. What a great chance for Jesus' followers in InterVarsity to speak up and have a voice of truth on campus!

So that's what we're going to do. We're going to set up a table in the most heavily-trafficked part of campus and ask students to tell us about where they've experienced brokenness on campus and what they think some possible solutions might be to those problems. Then we're going to tell them about a God whose heart breaks over racism and who came as a man and gave His blood to reconcile the people who bear His Image to each other and to Himself. Let me be honest with you - we want to see people meet Him. We don't want to just put up a little table and ask some tough questions. We want to see transformation. We want to see conversion. We want to see revival. We really need your prayers. Please pray for us. The schedule is Monday-Wednesday from 10am-2pm and Friday from 12-2:30pm. Would you be willing to pray for us each day within that timeframe? Write it in your calendar and intercede with us and for our campus. We're throwing ourselves out there and who knows what Jesus might do?